Developed by Marshall Rosenberg, the NVC approach, also known as Compassionate Communication, is one of the most effective ways of removing conflict from what would otherwise be confrontational conversations.

It is a simle process of questioning that strengthens your ability to inspire compasssion from others and respond compassionately. It is a way of connecting with empathy and honesty at times when it may be difficult to do so.

Non-Violent Communication (NVC) is sometimes described as "the language of the heart". It is a set of tools for expressing clearly and confidentially your needs and dreams, and for hearing more easily other people's needs and dreams, even when they are not expressed directly.

The approach is described by its developer Marshall Rosenberg as Compassionate Communication. It is now used in daily life throughout the world, as well as in schools and workplaces. It is used extensively in areas where conflict has been pervasive. NVC helps people work through conflict with compassion and success.

"All attacks and criticisms are tragic expressions of unmet needs"
Marshall B Rosenberg. Ph.D

The main components of NVC
NVC has four components of communication. Together they help create the kind of dialogue that can foster resolutions satisfying for everyone without painful compromise or sacrifice:

OBSERVATIONS which are free of judgement or evaluation
FEELINGS which come straight from the heart
NEEDS along with values and longings
REQUESTS expressed clearly in positive action language

An example of an NVC conversation would be ......

"When you refused to redo that piece of work I asked you to do,(observation) I felt upset (feelings) because I have to get the whole project finished today (needs). Would you be willing to help me by finishing your piece of work before lunch ?" (request)

"Why do you keep asking me to do it, you know I am busy"

"When I asked you to help me earlier, you probably felt mad because you wanted to complete what you were already working on ?"

"Yes"

"So, would you be willing to tell me when you've finished your current task, and then we can agree when this job can be done ?"

You can see that the boss is talking about her own reality using the four steps above, and also uses them when she empathises (honestly guessing what's happening in the employee's world), and looks for a solution that will satisfy both their needs.

By practicing it you get a sense of the connection between how you think and how you feel. You have to connect with your deepest needs, and then work at understanding others instead of reacting with negative emotions. This isn't easy, especially when you feel that you are the innocent party.

It is worth remebering one of Stephen Covey's seven principles - i.e. "to seek first to understand the other person". This ensures that when you do speak you are speaking only for yourself and are more likely to be really heard by others.

NVC may be a simple idea, but it is not so easy to do. It takes practice, but the rewards can often be dramatic. We all like to feel we are being understood.

Using NVC in organisations
Training in NVC skills can strengthen people's ability to:

Resolve personal and group conflicts
Build cohesive work teams
Make meetings more productive
Seek cooperation while introducing a change
Transform hostile confrontation into cooperative exchanges
Express appreciation

NVC helps people connect more authentically and compassionately with themselves and others. Many comment that practising the technique has brought greater joy and aliveness at work and in life generally.

A number of ChangeZone Associates are trained in the use of this technique. Resources to develop and train people in using the technique, can be found at:

The Centre for Nonviolent Communication

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