Drawn from the work of Fernando Flores

In a conversation for action there are always two players - a customer and a provider. The provider makes an offer or the customer makes a demand that the want satisfied.

From the organisation's point of view, it defines itself by the offers, commitments or promises it makes and the requests it accepts. Declarations or promises that are not satified by the time agreed will lead to a breakdown of trust and the relationship degenerating into deeper concerns.

Applying the methods of Fernando Flores to the customer- provider relationship for example, leads to a focus on both their concerns in order to get agreement on the commitments on both sides need to make.

THE PROMISE CYCLE
Click here for an explanatory article by Alan Sieler at Newfield College, Australia

1. Preparation - diagnostic stage.
The provider makes an offer or the customer makes a request. This sets the context for the relationship. In coaching this would be the diagnostic stage.

2. Negotiation - goal setting stage
The provider listens carefully to clarify the customer's concerns in order to agree what can be offered to the customer that is of value to them. Why is the other person saying what they are saying and does it reflect what they really want. Both parties need to understand clearly what will make each other satisfied. In coaching this would include the coaching agreement and the goal setting stage.

3. Performance - co-active conversations
Once an agreement is reached there is a commitment on both sides to the meet the conditions for satisfaction that will relate to time, cost, style, deadlines, etc. Trust can only be built through action. Without trust you are unlikely to get open and honest conversations. Both parties need to know when the commitment has been fulfilled. In coaching this includes sticking to the agreement throgh co-active conversations.

4. Assessment - review stage
Care must be taken not to treat assessments as if they were facts. This is the most difficult stage because the 5 Speech Acts interact. Assertions are made but unless conclusive evidence can be provided they are merely assessments. Declarations too may have been made about specific outcomes, but when disputed they can only be assessments or judgements. The most important consideration here is the customer's assessment of satisfaction.

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BREAKDOWNS
If one reneges on a commitment, one must do three things:

apologise
offer compensation for th broken promise
be open to a new request

These breakdowns often result from "linguistic viruses" that cause dissatisfaction, bad moods and even ill health. I have listed a few below for you to avoid . . .

1. NOT making a request. You may be reticent or fearful of asking for something. Remember, they are saying no to your request - not to you as a person. Making a request is not an imposition or admission of weakness. Infact one aspect of power is to make powerful requests and to fulfil the requests of others.

2. Living with uncommunicated expectations. These are just unexpressed requests. When others do not do as we expect them to we can become disappointed, resentful and angry. The solution is to translate "shoulds" into clear requests, from which there will be less resentment and guilt.

3. Making unclear requests. It is no good just asking for support or offering to invite someone. Requests must be be as precise and as detailed as possible to avoid misunderstanding. It is not an insult to the listener as good communication requires the person receiving the request to share your understanding.

4. NOT observing the mood of your requests. How others perceive you is very important. If you're perceived to be demanding or arrogant people might promise something feeling under duress, not choice. This may get compliance but the relationship is damaged and future requests may be refused.

5. Promising even though you are not clear waht was requested. This is foolish. To begin to fulfil a promise only to discover that it cannot be honoured because of a simple omission creates bad feeling and confusion. If you are not absolutely sure what's wanted - check it out.

6. NOT declining requests. Saying yes to everything is a recipe for disaster. The desire to please can lead to misery, resulting from a perpetual fear of failure, leading to anxiety, exhaustion and stess. If you fail a lot, people will feel you are not being sincere and cannot be trusted. Learn to say no if you cannot deliver by the deadline required. The stress can seriously damage your health.

7. Breaking promises without taking care. A promise builds an expectation that you will take action. If the promise is broken, the person will begin to lose trust in you and feel betrayed. Be open about problems that arise unexpectedly and clarify the reasons and consequences so that you are understood. A new promise can then be negotiated and the relationship strengthened rather than broken.

8. Treating assessments as facts. There is no truth in an assertion without evidence, as it is treated as an assessment or judgement and conflicts of interpretation often arise. We can often make assumptions believing them to be true, when infact they are assessments. You will be considered an arrogant bully if you make assertions for which their is no proof.

9. Making fantasy affirmations and declarations. This happens when you just assume that having said it, it will happen. This is arrogant in the extreme, nomatter how much power or influence you have. To say you are going to do something when you have no knowledge or skill to make it happen will damage your reputation and make you look foolish.

All of these viruses can create friction, negative mood states and poor performance - even ill health. Interia and anger are both negative mood staes that produce bodily changes in the muscles, circulation, heart and brain.

MAKE ALL YOUR CONVERSATIONS WORK FOR YOU.

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