Non-Violent

Communication

This is a process that strengthens your ability to inspire compasssion from others and respond compassionately to others and ourselves. It is a way of connecting with empathy and honesty at times when it is most difficult to do so.

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NVC is sometimes described as "the language of the heart". It is a set of tools for expressing clearly and confidentially our needs and dreams, and for hearing more easily other people's needs and dreams, even when they are not expressed directly.

The approach known as NVC now described by its developer Marshall Rosenberg as Compassionate Communication. It is now used in daily life throughout the world, as well as in schools and workplaces. It is used extensively in areas where conflict has been pervasive. NVC helps people work through conflict with compassion and success.

"All attacks and criticisms are tragic expressions of unmet needs"
Marshall B Rosenberg. Ph.D

The main components of NVC
NVC has four components of communication. Together they help create the kind of dialogue that can foster resolutions satisfying for everyone without painful compromise or sacrifice:

OBSERVATIONS which are free of judgement or evaluation
FEELINGS which come straight from the heart
NEEDS along with values and longings
REQUESTS expressed clearly in positive action language

An example of an NVC conversation would be ......

"When you refused to redo that piece of work I asked you to do, I felt upset because I have to get the whole project finished today. Would you be willing to help me finish your piece of the work before lunch ?"

"Why do you keep asking me to do it, you know I am busy"

"When I asked you to help me earlier, you probably felt mad because you wanted to complete what you were already working on ?"

"Yes"

"So, would you be willing to tell me when you've finished your current task, and then we can agree when this job can be done ?"

You can see that the boss is talking about her own reality using the four steps above, and also uses them when she empathises (honestly guessing what's happening in the employee's world), and looks for a solution that will satisfy both their needs.

Practicing it you get sense of the connection between how you think and how you feel. You have to connect with your deepest needs and work at understanding others instead of reacting. It is Stephen Covey's principle of "seeking first to understand". You have to speak in ways that are likely to be really heard by others.

It's a simple idea, but by no means easy to do. It takes practice, but the rewards are dramatic. We all like to feel we are being understood.

Using NVC in organisations
Training in NVC skills can strengthen people's ability to:

Resolve personal and group conflicts
Build cohesive work teams
Make meetings more productive
Seek cooperation while introducing a change
Transform hostile confrontation into cooperative exchanges
Express appreciation

NVC helps people connect more authentically and compassionately with themselves and others. Many comment that practising the technique has brought greater joy and aliveness at work and in life generally.

A number of ChangeZone Associates are trained in the use of this technique. Resources to develop and train people in using the technique, can be found at:

The Centre for Nonviolent Communication